When You Live Next to a Golf Course

Dear Jenny and Malcolm,

Congratulations on your nuptials! Since last weekend was such nice weather it made sense that you chose to have your music and dj for your reception outside on the patio of the clubhouse. Myself and all my neighbors were delighted to hear most of your reception through our windows. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but just in case there is a 'next time,' a few pointers might be in order.

1. Do not let the mic be passed from kid to kid at the beginning of the reception. Their parents might think making fart noises into the mic is cute, but for the rest of us...not so much.

2. If the maid of honor is already drunk, don't let her make a toast.

3. And as for the toast from the best man....let's just say:TMI.

4. "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone followed by "Bust a Move" are not the best choices for a first dance.

5. And finally, no matter where you are or who is at the party, polka music is NEVER a good choice.

Congrats and may you have a wonderful life together.