I am always curious how married people find each other. I'm of the belief that there's no "one right person" for everyone, but people often have a right time in their life when they are ready to get married, and through a series of coincidences, with a good element of romance and strategy, luck would have it that most find someone else in the same situation - someone who happens to be the "one right person" at that time, someone worth investing in for the long haul. Had circumstances been different, be you in different geographies, career situations or what have you, the story would have progressed onward, and likely would have seen you both married to other people.
For Kristine and me, this very nearly happened. In fact, while I knew her "a bit" back in 2002, as we were both attending the same church, and I had been aware of her for a few years, it took her moving out of the area, and therefore leaving our church meetings, for us to find each other. Amusingly enough, she and I ended up together, not because I raced after her begging her to never leave, as some movie would have it, but instead, because I actually offered to help ship her out of town! On referral from a mutual friend, she was told to ask me to help her move out, and I said yes.
At the time, it was not too uncommon to spend my Saturdays providing manual labor, helping friends move about town. A member of the "singles" ward at church, residences were all too temporary, and people were frequent movers, due to roommates coming and going, or life changes. When Kristine asked our friend Libby who could help as she moved to Sunnyvale, I got the call.
That Saturday, with a few friends, I helped move Kristine out of Foster City and into Sunnyvale. While friends followed along in their car, Kristine drove the U-Haul and I rode shotgun, getting to know her better. But I distinctly know I wasn't consciously trying to pursue her myself, even making jokes that the salesman at the U-Haul could be a future prospect. After having moved her things in, across town and up four flights of stairs, and having lunch with her and her mother, that could have been the end of it.
But it wasn't. On August 4, 2002, Kristine, in appreciation, made some homemade muffins and hand-delivered them to church that Sunday. That night, near midnight, I sent a follow-up e-mail, asking in part:
- So, how's your new placing serving you?
- Do you know any of your new neighbors?
- Did that guy from the U-Haul place call you? :-)
That e-mail led to more, which led to phone calls, and by October, we finally went on a couple dates. Our first "date" was to help her pick up a new Macintosh at the Apple Store, which was followed by dinner and a movie. Steve Jobs is somehow always involved.
That Saturday, having sprung on free tickets (Big Spender!) to Great America, I asked Kristine to come along. And in a recap to my Dad on October 6 of 2002, I said, quickly,
"Yesterday, I took two complimentary tickets to Great America that Jim had given me (I have two more, which expire next Saturday and may be required to go again), and Kris (of Monday fame) and I went, making sure to hit all of the big rides at least once, which we were successful in doing"
My dad was non-plussed, responding back, "Well, I got to see six hours of conference. How about you?", focusing more on the fact that we had missed the church's General Conference broadcast than that I had finally found some momentum on the dating front.
And things moved fast - amazingly fast when I look back on it. In an e-mail to a friend on November 10, 2002, a mere 5 weeks after the aforementioned dates, I gushingly wrote:
"I started dating Kristine about 5 weeks ago, and I simply CANNOT get enough. It's SO good, it's ridiculous, and I am having so much fun. She really cares about me so much, and that makes all the difference. It will have to be something calamitous to ever break this apart, as fast as we're going. I don't ever want to go home to Louis Road, and am seeing her like 5 times a week... her mom loves me, and she's coming home for Thanksgiving. What did I ever do right? :-)"
(I wonder if Kristine ever knew I sent that note?)
After a successful visit with the family on Thanksgiving, and continued dating, Kristine and I were engaged on New Years Day, 2003, just seconds after the clock had struck midnight.
On January 2nd, I wrote, in an e-mail titled, "The New Year Is Positively Engaging"
It is with great pleasure and anticipation that I let each of you know I officially proposed to Kristine Makowski this New Year's Eve, and asked for her hand in marriage, which she accepted.
So if you're doing the math... yes, we "only" dated for about ten solid weeks, but the relationship was different than anything we'd ever previously experienced. We were married a scant 3 months later, on April 12th. So while we had both been in prior relationships that were a year or more, this one felt right. Now we've been married for more than five years, we have two amazing kids, and I owe almost all of it to just saying yes when this casual acquaintance asked me to help her move.
Like any marriage, ours is one that has its ups and downs. I drive her crazy. She yells at me. Repeat. But we both know it's worth investing in and we have this amazing opportunity to work together to build on something amazing. I love her. I love our awesome twins, and I love the fact we took a chance on something that could have been slapped aside as simply being "a crush" or that we were rushing. But I didn't need any more time to know I was right.
So... if you ever get asked to help someone move, or if there is an opportunity for service, go get it. You never know what could happen.
